Sandy’s Take On The New Harvard Business School Essay Book

Over the next several days, Sanford Kreisberg, the HBSGURU and beloved odds-maker here at Poets&Quants, will be reviewing the essays in The Harbus e-book to give us his idea of what made them work or not.

The new book of 23 application essays from Harvard Business School admits in the Class of 2016 was published this week (see For Sale: Successful HBS Applicant Essays). We asked Sandy to have a look at the book and provide a tell-it-like-it-is tear down of each essay. His analysis is, as always, irreverent, penetrating and filled with important lessons on how to craft an ideal essay, whether you are applying to the Harvard Business School or any other top-ranked MBA program. And if you have no intention of completing a business school application, his assessments is laugh-out-loud entertainment.

In preparation for this project, we asked Sandy what he thought of the e-book, now being sold for $50 a pop. 

So, Sandy, what is your general impression?

Well, first, reading this book will probably confirm the myth that anyone can get into HBS with some odd or quirky essay, since several of the 23 essays reprinted here are lousy and odd and badly written and hard to follow because the editors have taken out company names. Plus we know nothing else about the person writing the essay, e.g., what their stats were, where they went to school or worked, what country they came from, etc.  The editors could have done a much better job if they had included a blurb about the writer, even if they wanted to preserve the writer’s anonymity.

Sandy Kreisberg, founder of HBSGuru.com

OK, what is good about the book?

Hmmmm, it will certainly relieve kids writing essays now of the delusion that essays need to masterpieces and finely polished. They do not, they just need to serviceably present your story and not be annoying of odd or offensive or confusing.

What do you think is missing from the book?

As noted, what is missing from the book is some background information about the writers which really could help you understand the context of the essay, and especially would explain how some of the worse essays, and some of these are real clunkers, as I note, wound up not sinking the writer. What I also would have liked to see, although this is just a dream, is essays by kids WHO DID NOT GET IN, who shot themselves in the foot by writing DAMAGING essays. 

How do you know that happens?

I’ve read those essays, by applicants who send me their entire app for a ding report.  There are cases where essays are damaging, and I don’t mean because they contain hate speech or racial slurs (that almost never happens), they are damaging because they out of control, disorganized, off point, or attempt to explain some issue, e.g. a zig-zagging career through three jobs,  in an extended and monomaniacal way and unconvincing way. 

Is the book worth $50 for applicants to HBS or any other business school? 

Definitely, it can loosen you up, show you some useable gimmicks, and prove that you do not need some extensive career road map and belabored rap on why HBS, although some writers below did manage to speak about why HBS with real personality and passion, for instance the woman who wrote Essay 3 below. 

I’d also like to see, in the comments section, some agreement or push-back on analysis from people who have bought the book and read the actual essays, which you need to do to really understand what I am talking about. 

Soooooo, without further ado, here is my opinion on the first 10 of the 23 essays in the book. I’ll be chiming in on the rest over the next few days. 

ESSAY 1. The Lifesaver

The story: A doctor with experience in medical data and “broad experience in health reform,” including designing sytems at some unnamed company, wants to get an MBA to become  a “global leader in health reform and innovation.” 

Sandy Says: Serviceable essay which is all this guy needed. Some blah, blah about how bad the current health care system is, some anecdotes about his own practice, which incentivized procedures rather than curing things in the bud, some final paragraph about Why HBS with the expected points (general management, health care courses like x and y, not a very clear idea of what he will be doing after MBA, but who cares. we got the picture. He’s a doc, he wants to cure the big, bad health care system, HBS can help. 

Typical seven paragraph once-over lightly. Para 1: An amazingly banal indictment of global health care that I would not have allowed in Fresh Comp course. Para 2: Personal story of why he became a doctor, also OK but slipshod.  Para 3:  Effective story about a guy he treated for pancreatitus who was underneath all the treatment, an alcoholic, a metaphor for how bad U.S. health care is.  Para. 4 + 5: A rap about how more wired patient care could identify disease earlier using big data, networking, mobile media, etc. to stress prevention and early intervention. Para 6: Claim he has some experience in doing this already, although examples are sketchy. Para 7: Why HBS.

This essay could have been three times more polished, factual, and personalized. It could have created a real road map of what he wanted to do. Who cares? He’s a doc with a shtick about reforming health care, some sketchy examples, and nothing odd or embarrassing.  That, and admission to a top medical school, selective residency [none of that info is provided in essay] will get you in, and making the essay better was not going to make a difference. It was the bare minimum to convince us he knew what he was talking about. 

ESSAY 2. The People Developer

The Story:  The candidate had to figure out actually that he was a people developer, but this essay is often incoherent. The writer grew up in a low-income family outside the U.S. His mother made him study and work hard. The family moved to another country (not sure which) when he was 12, where the writer claims he “took charge” of his development, first in a wealthy state school, and then unaccountably, after two years, in a poor school. At the poor school, he took the initiative to transfer to gifted-and-talented classes, thus developing a habit of seeking “experiences outside of my comfort zone.” He really says that. 

In high school and college, he excels through hard work, being the spark-plug of the crew team (all amazingly banal recitation of this), with a payoff lesson that “I realized that relating to those around us can provide powerful inspiration to excel from good to great.” No shout out to Jim Collins. Since college he has been a volunteer apprentice lifestyle coach, “to help build confidence and improve social skills.” One anecdote (not very impressive IMHO) to prove this and then another story where as volunteer to an organization that does “pro-bono strategy consulting to non-profits” he helped shake up a board by asking board members to find out why donors gave donations in the first place. That resulted in the board having deeper understanding of motives and the diversification of the organization’s donor base.

Based on all this, his goal is to “dedicate my career to helping future leaders develop in ways I was not afforded.”  He wants to teach others and students, “body language, interviewing, group dynamics, emotional intelligence, negotiation, etc.” There are no reality touch points to this vision, e.g. in what setting, how is that a career, why you need an MBA to do it. At HBS he plans to “empower fellow students to challenge themselves and experience the world in new ways.” 

Sandy Says:  Huh?  This dude may be great, but based soley on his essay, I do not understand what he wants to do (this might have been more clear in other parts of application) or why he needs an MBA. Essay execution ranged from the banal to the serviceable. On the plus side, it kept to a theme of self-improvement and life coaching and did not go off the tracks in terms of rants, annoying digressions, or anti-PC taboo breaking. On the contrary, the entire essay was touchy-feely in some barely developed way.  Not sure what else this guy had to get admitted, sounds like possible URM (if he gained U.S. citizenship) or mystery meat (offspring of faculty member, friend of Someone). My guess is, this guy had whatever magic he needed before he sat down to write the essay and then the essay DID NO HARM.

Well, to the adcom: Based soley on this essay, I would have dinged this guy for certain. Essay is, at bottom, some sketchy account of his growing-up and then a heavy mortar round of self-help cliches that even the Ed School may have balked at. 

Something going on here, but we don’t know what.  The actual outstanding question of what this guy plans to do and how HBS fits in the picture is left blank, which is sometimes OK if you are a VC writing about your stamp collection and how that has helped you develop. But here, this guy is actually talking about what he wants to do, and WE NEVER FIND OUT IN ANY USABLE WAY. 

ESSAY 3.  The Community Organizer

The Story: A woman from what appears to be a developing country follows two tracks of her life: the first is a mostly coherent and sincere account of her success in performing at Model UN competitions and then using that success as a basis for creating an entire infrastructure of Model UN competitions and teams in her country. That part is detailed, sincere and impressive.

The second part outlines her professional career since 2010 as an analyst for a credit card lending business, through a series of promotions (told quickly), ending up as product manager for a small and medium enterprises lending business (don’t ask me but it was probably explained in other parts of the app.) “Teaching startup entrepreneurs how to work their finance (sic) and providing them with loans adequate to their needs is a powerful incentive towards formality (sic) and economic growth.”  Based on those experiences, she wants to be an impactful leader in her country’s growth and development. Four long and personal paragraphs, well stocked with relevant HBS tidbits, about Why HBS in a long (11 paragraph) essay.

Sandy Says:  Bingo. This is no great piece of prose but the writing is serviceable and detailed and organized (loosey but OK) and sincere. This essay is also a good model, of sorts, of the type of essay most people write for HBS (the selections in the book are skewed somewhat towards the unusual and less ordinary.  So if you are looking for a model as to the outline, this is a good one to read, although yours could be shorter. 

She wants to be an influence in her home country and retells a set of stories, one extra-curricular, one professional, which point to that. This is an essay which may have actually added value to her app.  We get a feeling for her passion, her intelligence, and her ability to tell a coherent story. The content of what she does and says is impressive.

ESSAY 4.  The Burden Reliever

The Story: This is guy whose dad tattooed himself for four hours. And in fact had been in prison when the writer was born.  Humorous and detailed and effective opening about lower-class dysfunctional family and the negative impact that disorganized finances and living conditions  had on both his sisters and his neighbors–all a motivation for the writer to join the Air Force as a way to break that cycle. Second paragraph reprises a volunteer trip (sounds like an LDS mission, but not many LDS dads I know have tattoos) to a poor country, where the same dysfunctional culture and poverty, seen now for a second time, create a ‘milestone’ in his development. The writer now wants to alleviate lives, in some ways, for those in financial distress. Third paragraph is why HBS by way of narrating what he learned on a visit during prospective military day. This is less effective but leads him to the observation, based on folks he meets, that workng for a for-profit institution is not exclusive of creating positive social change, the theme of the first two paragrpahs. Last two paragraphs are his speculations on post-MBA goals, “at the intersection of finance and the underprivileged.” That could mean, “how commercial banking  and  investment services could be better tailored to people with lower incomes . . . .”

Sandy Says:  Winner essay, especially the first two paragraphs (out of five), where he reprises his family history and volunteer work. Also a good model for a military essay without war stories, since he goes very light on his actual Air Force service and instead bases his key motives on family background and volunteer trip.  Not all military essays have to follow that model but it works in this case. We really like this guy. He is thoughtful, intelligent, a competent writer, well meaning and self-aware with postive values. 

To the extent that he had some cards “to play” about the dysfunctional background of his family and dad being in prision when he was born, that content is introduced intelligently and impressively, as part of some other story about his goals and what his influences were.  The fact that his career road map is very general (and not really researched and does not cite analogs which already exist) is not a super big deal, but if you are looking for tips, hey, why not do that. This is an essay which actually could have moved the needle since it is coherent, affecting, fills in some useful background and you like the guy. If this guy was on the bubble as a military applicant in terms of schooling, GPA, GMAT, this could have pushed him in. 

ESSAY 5.  The Risktaker

The Story: Gag. Smart enough guy bores us pretty silly about his decision to stay at Company 1 (hard to figure out, but sounds like a PE-backed pharmacy benefits management company) where he has been doing very well, and just received a promotion to Senior Associate (he quotes from his performance to begin the essay, not a good gimmick in most cases, IMHO) versus some other job. First three paragraphs (of seven-paragraph essay) are dull but not annoying (to most people, I was annoyed) review of what the positives were at his old company told with a self-serving overlay. “I gained comfort working in high pressure situations alongside senior management . . .I learned to communicate with impact and connect with various audiences.” 

This is not revealing or dramatic prose but we get the general idea. You were doing lots of high level stuff, you were well liked. Paragraph four is a summary of what he would gain from taking the new job. Also serviceable and dull. Paragraph five is the “money” paragraph, such as it is, Hamlet finally makes up his mind with this brainstorm: “In order to lead a business in the future, I needed to focus on areas that would strengthen my general management and leadership skills.” 

That would be company two. Ta-da!!!! Amazingly, paragraph six is a recap of how hard this decision was by reiterating all the stuff that is great about Company One. The essay ends on this piece of show-stopping wisdom: “using long-term objectives to guide short-term decisions can provide direction and clarity in daunting situations.” 

Sandy Says:  Well, my assumption is this was a very highly qualified dude to begin with, who found some way to use a decision to accept a new job as a way to talk a great length about what his accmplishments were at Company 1 versus Company 2 and wrap the whole bragfest up around some truly cliched and moronic gas-baggery about decision making. I don’t much like the writer I meet here, but I’m not an adcom, and this shtick actually provides an outline for how to get through the HBS essay process, provided YOU ARE ALREADY GETTING IN, before you write the essay. 

Just take an important decision and use it as a way to explore why you did well at Job 1 and Job 2.  This might not work as well at an investment bank or consulting shop, where what you do is pretty much the same blah, blah as what everyone else does. This guy’s job, but not his description of it, actually had him doing more varied things than most bankers and consultants. I don’t think this essay moved the needle at all. My guess is, his stats and solid recs and clear goals are what made things happen here. But I could be wrong, it is possible that he really maxed out every little touch point and assignment at Job 1, and that got him a couple of feet ahead of other dudes applying from similar backgrounds with essays that were odd or annoying to anyone, versus touchy me. The essay had the virtue of being detailed, organized (for the most part) and not deeply annoying.

ESSAY 6. The Giver

The Story: A commercial banker narrates story of the short life of his younger brother who died of a rare disease (born without arms and legs) and how his family came together to take care of him. They later start a local charity, which has expanded. The writer also narrates his own efforts in major tri-athelon type fund-raising event.

Sandy Says: Powerful story obviously told with focus and compassion and the writer seems likeable and organized. His thesis seems to be that experiencing his family organize around caring for his brother and later starting a charity taught him about the value for service and compassion. “And it’s not so much that my views changed from this experience, but I feel like I’ve gained a new level of clarity.  I’m much more confident in my life goals, and can pursue them with pride and conviction.”

Good way to wrap up this narration.  This is a unique essay about a very powerful personal experience, which is wrangled into shape for the most part, and organized,  and we certainly empathize with the writer.  Did this move the needle beyond core stats? Hard to say.  If this guy was in a pack of 100 banker types, and you could only interview 35, well, an essay like this might be an easy way to make that call. I do not think an essay like this is going to move someone otherwise not typically interviewed into an interview slot. It is not that powerful about the writer and his own accomplishments; it is a powerful capture of a unique and moving experience.

ESSAY 7. The Very Hard Worker 

The Story: Apparently very high performing military pilot of some kind (facts really jumbled, although may be editor’s and not writer’s fault) who organizes a story around how hard he worked at each step of his career. Annoying (for me!) to read, and klutzy prose style and organization but his many accomplishments begin to add up so this turns into a talking and bragging resume, which is evidently one mode of essay that works, IF, your resume is rock solid to begin with. Also real long and semi-tedious (three long paragraphs) on why HBS.

Sandy Says: Worth looking at to see how a confused writer begins by saying “As with most prospective students, my application package provides an accurate representation of my  [yadda, yadda]. . . .but does not fully capture the “me.  Neither does the rest of his essay, in any meaningful way except to show us a guy who works hard, is real down-to-earth, and who knows a lot about HBS.  But we get the idea, if you already have the goods in terms of stats and resume, this is one way to go.  This essay did not move the needle.

ESSAY 8. The Uncomfortable Associate 

The Story: A former consultant and female engineer now works in private equity and chooses risky (well in the world of application essays) path of going to a PE portfolio company in another country because she speaks the language.  Learning ensues and our heroine once again realizes how important it is to get outside her “comfort zone.”

Sandy Says: Good way for someone (female engineer, private equity)  who was probably heading an admit with no essay to get through this exercise. After a semi goofy set-up (quoting Abraham Maslow on the need to take risks), a story outline of going to a new place, meeting the new company, learning to adapt to new cultures, all executed serviceably, well, that’s all you need. Better than average rap on why a PE gal needs an MBA from HBS, worth looking at if you are facing that part of your essay.

Probably did not move the needle but likeable, organized, lots of subtle cues that she is a Harvard Business School type: Humble seeming, high achieving, goofy humorist but not too much.

ESSAY 9. The Hyperactive Engineer 

The Story: A high-performing industrial engineer, first in his class from a selective university, takes you through a brag sheet version of growing up curious, working hard in middle school (always a favorite of science teachers, he tells us), honors in college, and a full life of  being a “competitor, never a sorrow loser.” Deadly earnest at every step of the way, and aside from never wanting to meet this guy, effective in its plodding and cliched approach. Surprisingly, no section about work. It is all growing up with Legos, college triumphs, and well-rounded activities, including tennis and golf.

Sandy Says:  Future CEO.  Good model to follow if you are an industrial engineer from a selective school with a 4.0 and nothing to say and no experience in presenting yourself to others. Not stated in the essay, obviously, but HBS actually will help this dude become more self-aware about how he comes off to others, the “case method” is vastly overrated, but it does do that!

ESSAY 10. The Tough-Choice Maker 

The Story: A consultant gives up on a prestigious Musical Theatre Pre-College program in junior year in high school and decides instead to attend academic college to ultimately  have a larger impact as a “leader” and make a “sustainable impact on the organizations I touch” (instead of being an unemployed dancer and singer for life). At college, she becomes the lead in 11 organizations and serves as External Affairs Vice-President and is tested by explaining tuition increases to her classmates and later — with “bullhorn in hand” –as a go-between the administration and students during a student riot  At her consulting job, in what seems like a non-M/B/B consulting shop, she manages by dint of hard work and “networking-up” (my term)  to get a lot of strategy assignments.

Sandy Says:  Organized, brassy, serviceable and we believe her. Energizer Bunny type and essay both overtly and covertly convinces us. The organizing idea that she gave up a life as an entertainer (her junior year in high school) for one of social impact is a stretch, but that kind of hocum is admissible in this context.  Basically a talking resume, once it gets going, with some tour guide notes on college and work parts.

If it is the case that she worked at a non-M/B/B consulting firm (which is not totally clear from essay), this essay and some very solid stats may have made the difference.  The essay is not powerful, but it does draw your attention to the most winning parts of  her story. If you have nothing much to say –and at bottom this gal did not (along with most applicants!), that is a good strategy.

Have questions about the Harvard Business School essay? Ask Sandy in the comment section below. Please no handicapping profiles here. Sandy will be back with our handicapping series shortly.